A collection of funny cat quotes from many different authors submitted for your perusal. I've seen some of these on t shirts, mugs, and even mouse pads (but I got most of them from books).
"The more people I meet, the more I like my cat."
"Cat: A pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings."
"The cat is domestic only as far as suits its own ends."
-H. H. Munro
"I've met many thinkers and many cats, but the wisdom of cats is infinitely superior."
"An ordinary kitten will ask more questions than any five-year-old."
"After scolding one's cat, one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference."
"Cats are kindly masters, just so long as you remember your place."
"Everything I know I learned from my cat: When you're hungry, eat. When you're tired, nap in a sunbeam. When you go to the vet's, pee on your owner."
"The cat seldom interferes with other people's rights. His intelligence keeps him from doing many of the fool things that complicate life."
-Carl V. Vechten
"Her function is to sit and be admired."
-Georgina S. Gates
"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well."
"No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch."
"Every life should have nine cats."
"My cat does not talk as respectfully to me as I do to her."
"Dogs have owners; cats have staff."
"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."
"It's very hard to be polite if you're a cat."
"Cats are absolute individuals, with their own ideas about everything, including the people they own."
"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats."
"Way down deep, we're all motivated by the same urges. Cats have the courage to live by them."
"Dogs are eternally grateful that humans exist; cats, however, are simply mildly appreciative!"
"A cat's hearing apparatus is built to allow the human voice to easily go in one ear and out the other."
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later."
"Cats are the ultimate narcissists. You can tell this because of all the time they spend on personal grooming. Dogs aren't like this. A dog's idea of personal grooming is to roll in a dead fish."
"Kittens are born with their eyes shut. They open them in about six days, take a look around, then close them again for the better part of their lives."
"Kitten: A small homicidal muffin on legs; affects human sensibilities to the point of endowing the most wanton and ruthless acts of destruction with near-mythical overtones of cuteness. Not recommended for beginners. Get at least two."
"I found out my cat was embezzling from me. You think you know a cat for ten years, he pulls something like this."
"The trouble with a kitten is
Eventually it becomes a
-Ogden Nash, The Face is Familiar (1941). The Kitten