by Danielle Areco Veloso
TO MY BELOVED SON CHICO
Not a long time ago, I understood that we have no control about our destiny, but we can choose to live a happier life. Yes, we can genuinely accept the unconditional love and love back. Chico's love to those that were fortunate enough to be close to him was so genuine and intense, so pure and full of acceptance, that even now that he is not among us anymore, we still can feel the magnitude of this love.
Chico made us understand this sublime feeling named "love," he made our lives colorful, with your phone calls, TV shows, performances... Chico was a shy boy, but never lost a fight. Chico was truly special and a real faithful and loyal companion. I lost my best friend, the one that loved me the most, and sacrificed for me.
I really can't understand why things have to happen like this. I can only wish that you are happy, free and playing together with Patrick Jacob and your other friends. Life is too fast, I wish I had more time with you. It feels like yesterday, I can so brightly remember the first time I held you in my arms like a little baby.
It was a magnificent and exciting feeling, my heart beat so fast, I felt my soul burning like a sunshine. I could feel the heat, and smell of your fear, you were unsure of what was happening, were was I taking you, what was going to happen? But you never gave up, you hung in there, you were patient, you waited, and you survived through all tests. And finally after years you were accepted by the others.
You were always very precious my little Chico, and I am really sorry for not being there all the time for you, and was not able to show you my love.
I try to tell my heart to not be so sad, but he is so full of guilt and remorse, it is hard not to cry. I try to sleep, and to dream about you, but then I wake up, and I remember that in reality you are not here anymore and I am here alone... please forgive me, for not having been a good mother.
Chiquinho, I beg you to not hate me, do not feel hurt, not even for one second think that I did not love you. If you could only understand. The intense pain of my recent loss was so great, that made me weak, fragile, and even stupid. I said things that I regret, so please disregard what I said in that moment of torture.
Now even more tormented I can barely support and stand myself. I am a little more than a dead body with a deiced heart, coming back from a very dark place, trotting with broken legs, searching to collect my pieces that had been falling to the soil.
Could I perhaps regain the least amount of serenity to survive? I must remember that I still have one more to go, one more under my watch.
In truth, today, I feel I am not worthy and I don't deserve a second chance. I am nothing, and I am nobody, I am only a wounded mother, and my only hope is to be reunited to my children.
I so much desperately love you my Chico. Wherever you are, have mercy on me.
Forever your mother
Danielle Areco Veloso
A phone call from heaven
Hello? Who is this? This is an anonymous call from Francisco Areco, yes, that is right anonymous. Here is me, Chiquito. So, I am calling to say that I did not leave voluntarily. I got called by my personal trainer Patrick Jacob. We have many fights already scheduled up here, many parties, plenty of blondies with big boobs. It is a paradise!
But, I want to thank you all for the love that you had given to me, a special thanks to my Buddy and my grandma that loved me always, and no thanks to MacGyver. He was a pain in my ass... sorry it is my turrets. Actually I have a message to MacGyver - Do not come in here, there is nothing here for you, stay there with mom for a long time. I don't miss you biting my tail or my butt, I will slap you on your nose! OK???? Stay there!
Mom, I am grateful for the opportunity of life that was given to me, but keep in mind, that now, I can see everything from above, I can see what is happening, and I will be always protecting you, please don't be sad. Your sadness makes me sad. Please remember me with sweetness and tenderness. Hopefully our stories will bring you joy and you will be able to feel me snuggling with you at night.
I will always be there.
Eternalize our fast eye contact. Don't forget our adventures, my favorite spots, my cute voice and my shy smiles. May my soft fur always be felt and the touch of my small body against yours never forgotten. May you feel forever the touch of my small little paws.
Forget the pain, remember the sweet victories we won together, through our positive attitude and by our strong bond. We create confidence to face so many problems.
I know that you lost me, and it hurts. But it is not forever. It was wonderful to spend time with you, always by your side. Don't take my departure as the end of this happiness. I will be always your Chiquinho. This is only the beginning of a new phase, where only joy and love are allowed.
However, I am confused... my mind is lost, because there is nothing I can do about my passing, and seeing you so unhappy and in agony can only make it harder on all of us. Therefore I beg you to be at peace so I can be happy too... Keep my name close to your heart, and may all the moments we shared side by side be not forgotten.
For me it was always easy to understand why I was not your favorite one, because I could read your heart, and deep inside I knew we were all equals to you. We all loved you so much and we know you loved us back likewise.
Love should never cause pain, please don't suffer, I know that it hurts, and hurts in me as well. I know that you miss me terribly, I also miss you a great deal. I do not know what to say to alleviate this pain. I can't bear the guilt of causing you so much pain, to be honest I thought that I would be helping if I was to do as you told me, asking me not to be a hero and pass easily, fast and with no drama.
I am so sorry that I could not hold on for a little longer, I really wanted to stay by your side and help you, I am still not sure if I did the right thing. I feel we still had so many things to do together, but I guess I did not have much option.
After you rescued me I only lived for you, I was your dedicated friend and companion. Always there for you. Without you, I am without direction, I am also lost, sad and feeling abandoned. Please allow me to move on, and accept my passing. If you close your eyes, you will feel me, not in my physical body, but in spirit, you will feel me inside your heart, always!
I know I was never a kisser, and that I never liked to be kissed. It was too much intimacy... but here is my everlasting kiss to you, right on your nose. Can you please take care of yourself? MacGyver needs you, poor thing he is getting old and senile, lumbering and blind!
I don't like to see you depressed, and locked inside home, I want to see you free of fears, just like me now. I know exactly how you feel about your biggest fear of losing us, therefore we have the same terror of losing you. Now that we are up here, we have the full notion of this pain, it is like a stake in the chest, a continual distress and pure fear of loss. Yes, we do understand you.
I never imagined that one day I would have to leave you. However this day has arrived, and now I am here, looking at you, and wishing that I could spend just one more night by your side and feel safe again. But I need to ask you to set me free and let me go. Please, we need to move on.
BTW my habitat they gave me here is exactly what you designed for me. With my purple pillows, green curtains and golden adornments, but if I could exchange all this for that one more night with you, I would, because no beauty here can be compared with the beauty of your eyes and warmth of your tender touch.
My closet here is awesome! It is greater and more whimsical than Walter Mercado's wardrobe. I am famous, I give autographs, I have blond caretakers, I am a STAR and I have my own TV show "Chico in the Sky." I am sure we will adjust, and in a blink of an eye, we will all be together. Meanwhile, feed yourself of the good memories, and remember who loved you more than anything else in this word. Me!
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